I feel like it probably doesn't make much since, but being a mom (much to my surprise) conflicts with all my natural tendencies. At the church right now the staff is learning about themselves and how we can better work together through a book called StrengthFinders 2.0. One of my "strengths" is responsibility and seemed to tell me the first time I read my description that I was not "made" to be a parent. This is just part of the description:
"It’s very likely that you conduct yourself in a proper, ethical, legal, and upright manner to avoid feeling you have done something wrong. You truly regret making a mistake, violating a rule, breaking a trust, or producing poor results. You set high standards for yourself in various areas of your life. "
As I read this I added the words "as a parent" to the end of each sentence. These are all very true statements of the way my mind works consistently. I want to do everything "right" when it comes to being Sam's mom. Being "right" is difficult though because I am trying so hard to trust my instincts and stand by the things that I still believe are true, but feel overwhelmed that my philosophies are wrong and are going to somehow hurt Sam.
Case in point:
Crying - I have always believed and still believe that it doesn't hurt him to cry, however all the "right" people say that at this age I am keeping him from building attachment and feeling safe. So what do I do?
Naps and Waketime - I put him down after feeding him, having some playtime and he wakes right back up. So I lay him on his play mat while I finish doing whatever needs to be done, sending an email, getting ready, cleaning etc. Now I have a couple things weighing on me.
First, he's not following the Babywise "infant management plan" (that we have great testimonies to working) that says it will help him sleep through the night and be a pleasant and happy kid. Yet in reality he is a month old and will consistently sleep around 5 1/2 hrs at a time at night. That seems good to me. So again what do I do?
Second, when he is awake, I have the voice in the back of my head saying that I should be interacting with him because he is awake. I need to be talking to him, reading to him, singing to him or playing with him, but as mentioned above, he doesn't always nap consistently, so if I hope to get things done around the house I may have to do them while he is awake. Again the right people make me feel as if he is not going to develop language skills if it is quiet in the house or I fail to interact with him enough. So I wonder is the fact that I have music on in the back ground good enough or do I need to do more?
So here I am wanting to be a good mom and get it all right, but everyday I am battling the 2 angels (my instincts and "the experts") on my shoulders, so to speak, fighting over what I "should" be doing. I haven't entirely decided which side is winning or will win, but this is where I am at today in this journey of parenting.
Hunting Unique Rabbits
Gayle
1 - I hope this doesn't offend you, since I'm clearly not an expert and I know we've never had the chance to become close friends or anything, but he is far too little to let cry for any extended period of time. Even the sleep experts who recommend cry-it-out (like Ferber, who's the big one that everyone refers to) say that infants aren't mature enough to handle it until 4-6 months.
ReplyDelete2 - I found that babywearing was the perfect solution to my desire to hold and interact with Lexie and still be able to get things done. The Moby wrap was great for that age since she loved to be snuggled up close to me. It looks more complicated than it is, and I can send you directions to make a really cheap DIY one if you want to try it. I also LOVE my ring sling (http://www.sleepingbaby.net/) and my ErgoBaby carrier. At a year old, Lexie still practically jumps on me when she sees me bust out a carrier because she loves it, and it lets me work too. Just throwing out those ideas -- I try to recommend babywearing to all my friends who have become moms lately.
Oh Gayle, welcome to Mommyhood! I'm pretty sure there's something about being a momma that automatically makes you prone to guilt. The one thing I will say is go with that mommy instinct God gave you. I've talked to some people who don't get that gut feeling, but if you do, go with it. There are so many "right" ways to do things, and I think it really comes down to the fact that you know your baby better than anyone else. If I've learned nothing else from being a parent, it's that I really don't know what I'm doing, but by the grace of God, I keep on going. :) Don't forget the power of prayer. God cares about and will guide you through even those little daily decisions that seems so big in the moment. There have been multiple times that I simply prayed, "God help me. Tell me if I need to hold my baby or just let him/her fuss a little bit." And you know what? God guides me towards the right decision for that moment. I know you, Gayle, and I know that are and will be an amazing mommy. You have so much love to give, and whether you always have the right answers (which you won't),the love God gave you for that baby will direct you. I love you, friend, and this journey is rough... but oh so rewarding. :)
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