Being a minister on staff at a church is one of the greatest things that God has ever gifted me to do. I often look at the ministry I serve in and the people I serve with and stand in awe that God chose me to be a part of it. Truly I work with people in my 20's that I have respected for more than a decade. What an amazing privilege to serve with the people I do so early in my life.
One of the great things I get to do every week is spend time worshiping and learning with this great group of men and women. This week in our discussion it was presented to us, what it would look like in our ministries if we gave significant thought, prayer and action to finding someone better than us to do what we do.
The discussion started out of 1 Corinthians 12:1-11 where Paul talks about how the church is one body made up of many parts. In the space of our staff chapel I immediately felt my heart pulled to my own desire for perfection. Although in theory I would say I want there to be someone better than me to do what I do, in practice that is a very difficult thought for me. If there is someone that can do it better than me, then that means there is something I can do to make myself better. This thought often sends me into a hyper critical place that is neither productive nor healthy because I have believed lies my whole life about who I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do. I have walked a road for far to long that calls me to earn my value as a person; whether as a minister, a mom, a wife, a friend or a daughter.
In an attempt to battle this destructive thought I have spent several hours meditating on Romans 12:1-2... "And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."
I ache for these words to take root in my heart because I can say with confidence that my desire is to protect my territory or reputation which is a firm foundation of the behavior and customs of this world. It is the world that has convinced me that I have to perform to receive His favor or have value. Which leaves me reading 1 Corinthians wondering what my part in the body really is and if indeed I might be the appendix which has a function, but doesn't really have value and can be removed without any noticeable damage to the body.
As I mediate on these words I remember where I fit. I fit where God's will is and the key to finding that will is through the renewing of my mind. Only when I begin to fill my mind with the truth that I am good because Christ is in me or that I have worth only because Christ has made me worthy can I begin to allow others who are better than me to surround me. The things I do... produce a bulletin, organize volunteers, keep a website up to date and accurate, love my husband, provide for my son, are simply that, things I do. Who I am is a daughter adopted by God himself through the blood of Christ.
So each day as I battle the desire to want to be as good a mom as 'so and so' or the thought that maybe I shouldn't be in ministry because that person could do it so much better, I wait for God's truth to remind my heart that He has chosen me to be this part of the body. I am chosen by the creator of the universe to be Sam's mom, Ethan's wife, Park Chapel's involvement minister, but more than that I am chosen to be a daughter of the God of the universe. With that in mind I can step aside, look around and welcome better to join me and wait for God to move in ways I can't even ask or imagine.
It is with joy and excitement that I continue down this journey of life waiting for what might come next because I don't know. What I do know is that today God is calling me to stop comparing myself to others, and to him for my identity, waiting for him to show me who he wants to do what I do better than I can do it. Then in a blink of an eye He will reveal to me what's next. Perhaps it is filling a different role at the church, perhaps staying home full time, perhaps mentoring another woman, perhaps it is taking time to read more, listen more and love more. Whatever it is I look forward to finding who is better than me, so that I can do what God has uniquely wired me to do and stop looking for approval from man, but rest in the arms of my Father who has chosen me and loves me!
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